blackbirdsong | Raleigh Becket Open RP Post

righthemisphere posting in

blackbirdsong

"Please take the ghosts from my heart;
I don't want to be haunted anymore."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

righthemisphere

It's like a bullet in his chest.

Raleigh's face folds with the guilt and grief he's been trying so desperately to hold back. The million I'm sorrys he wasn't sure mako wanted or would believe. Because sorry doesn't make things better. Not things like this. Not when you betray the only person alive who cares about you..

And he just.. comes back. He doesn't have the right.

Her forgiveness stings and pulls ugly, ugly feelings up from deep inside. So much for keeping it together

Before Raleigh can stop himself or think, he eases back from the table and around to Mako, pulling her and her hair out and kneeling. He doesn't have the words. You may as well take his tongue. Hands on her knees he watches her for a moment before laying his hands at her thighs and his head on her lap. He wants to cry. He can feel it trembling on the crest. It's been there since he knocked eight hours ago.

A sharp breath, eyes crushing shut. He's so sorry. He's so fucking sorry.

From:

dorothied

She watches him like a hawk as he moves, and stays quiet as he kneels, even though it makes her feel strange to see him there like that, makes her want to tell him to get up. Raleigh does not need to grovel, not with her.

But he sort of breaks a little, and it makes something in her heart shatter too, and she clings to him. Her fingers go into his hair, her other hand sweeping down his cheek, his shoulder.

"It's okay," she whispers, feeling that tension. You see, she is very familiar with the coiled tension of holding back a massive cry. "It's okay, Raleigh, you can let go, it's safe here. I have you.

Edited Date: 2020-09-29 02:51 pm (UTC)

From:

righthemisphere

She breaks the last threads of resolve and he does. He cries. Hot, searing tears in his eyes and an ugly shiver between his shoulders as he submits to it with another sharp breath.

It's not okay. Nothing is okay. and just when it might have been he ran and destroyed the only good thing left in his life, nothing about any of this is okay.

Raleigh gives a low, long while like an injured animal as he shakes with the breakdown he should have had months ago. He'd been trying so hard not to but he's ultimately defenseless and lets go.

"I'm-" ragged. He can't speak, voice breaking when he tries. "I'm so sorry, Mako-"

From:

dorothied

She knows he is. If he hadn't been so very sorry, maybe he would not have come back. Maybe he wouldn't have shown up on her doorstep looking wrecked and needing shelter, and maybe she wouldn't have given it to him, pettily. She is not one to be trifled with, she won't accept neglect and abandonment like that again.

But she understands needing time process things. She also understands the most helpful thing: Raleigh is an idiot.

"Mmm... I know." She runs her fingers through his hair, gentle and repetitive, until the sobs run dry, until he's let out all he needs to let out.

From:

righthemisphere

He'll have soaked the tops of her legs by the time he's run out. Instinct is to pull back and stuff all his wounds with sand and pretend this didn't happen but he doesn't. He presses in until his head is touching her stomach, looking to bury himself and hide from his shame.

Though there is no hiding. Everything is raw and on display and maybe it needs to be that way in order to disinfect his wounds and finally start to heal.

Raleigh falls quiet save for the odd snuffle against her as he slowly regains control of himself but refuses to move.

From:

dorothied

Well, eh. Her pajama pants are not that thick as to not cling uncomfortably to her skin when he cries on them so hard he gets them wet, but she will ultimately live.

When it's all down to snuffles, she is the one who moves him. Makes him lean back just enough so she can slip off the chair and sink down into his lap, with her legs on either side of his waist. It brings his face closer to hers, but she gives him privacy for his tears by guiding his head onto her shoulder, so she can rest hers on his too.

It is quiet hug time.

From:

righthemisphere

Its the kind of perfect moment he could only dream about as she straddles him and he gathers Mako up against his chest.

Resting there in silence. Warm and safe and raw and stupid.

Raleigh tilts his face a little, just a little and brushes his lips against her neck with quiet thanks.

From:

dorothied

That's fine. Means nothing. Shouldn't get all hot and bothered over that, shouldn't inhale softly and freeze a little, surprised and overwhelmed.

And yet...

From:

righthemisphere

And yet.

And yet, as their hearts fall in line to the same beat. As their lungs fall into line.

As he stupidly kisses her neck because he can't fucking control himself and he should know better but he doesn't it anyway.

From:

dorothied

There are sadly no more surviving pilots to say if this is normal. The ability to drift, outside of the jaeger.

Then again, they do have a crazy connection, and it looks - based on these past hours alone - like it's not been diminished by time.

The kiss sends a frisson up her spine, and from where she has her arms wrapped around him, she digs her fingers into his shoulder and presses herself closer to him.

That's all.

(A game of chicken begins.)

From:

righthemisphere

Gonna be the longest game ever.

But for a moment it does feel like they're drifting, just a little. For a moment he would give anything to be back in there with her. More than a moment, actually.

Raleigh doesn't dare act further. He would but Mako is just.. too important to him. And breaking down and looking for consolation in the flesh when she's already given him everything feels cheap and manipulative. Which he isn't.

So instead he tightens his hold to match hers and breathes in the scent of her skin.

They'll stay like that for a very long time. Until Mako's phone in the bedroom goes off with a call from work and the moment is broken.

Real life has to press on. Mako's translation skills are needed in a last minute situation. The world is still turning outside of Stacker's..no..Mako's flat.

From:

dorothied

Saved by the ringtone. Or condemned, whichever it is.

When Mako has to log on to work that morning, she does it with a body full of tension and wanting. And of freaking out a little.

Over the next hours, she focuses on work. Not on the desire curled in the pit of her stomach.

That comes later, in the evening, when they end up in bed again. She can't imagine spooning him without feeling like clinging to him, so she rolls onto her side with her back to him instead.

Then looks back at him, expectantly.

He'll need to be the big spoon tonight. "Will you hold me?"

From:

righthemisphere

Happily. Without hesitation. Raleigh smiles and pulls her close, wriggling an arm under her head to pull her back against his big, broad chest.

"Always," purr, low in his chest.

He wraps her up under the covers and buries his face in the back of her hair. Soft and scented and safe.

To his credit Raleigh had spent the day cleaning to busy himself and let Mako work, only interrupting to bring her tea or a snack. Determined not to be a burden and more than just a bed warmer though he does make quote a good one of those.

From:

dorothied

It's the first day, and it's been a jarring reunion, and she doesn't expect him to reinvent the wheel in twenty-four hours. Honestly, having him in her bed two nights in a row is a blessing enough as it is.

Or a curse. She knows as soon as he pulls her against his chest that she can get used to this, that she could gladly be held like this, if by him, for a very great number of nights. So it makes the fear of him leaving all the bigger, because there is more to loose.

In the dark, she reaches down and tangles their fingers together, turning her head to kiss his bicep.

"How are you?"

From:

righthemisphere

Helluva a question, right arm tingling under her lips as they lay.

"Still hurts a little," he murmurs, taking the easy way out and answering physically.

"Nerves are shot"

From:

dorothied

Or maybe they're going to talk again, but in the dark. She can't really fall asleep. Second night in and she thinks that maybe if she falls asleep, she will wake up to him gone again. Maybe she was too much today, or...maybe this is too much.

She hesitates, then turns around to face him, still resting her head on his arm, their knees brushing together.

"Where does it hurt?"

From:

righthemisphere

"circuit burns," he murmurs. It's the second time he's lost a Jaeger's arm and paid for it with his body.

From:

dorothied

She can imagine what they must feel like, because for a very brief time she was in his head and in his past, and felt it the same pain, the same ache, the same ghost memory.

She can imagine it, even if she doesn't know where, doesn't have a cheatsheet for Raleigh anymore.

"Show me where?" she asks quietly, then because it so blatantly crosses the line they've drawn in the sand, she explains that it's: "So I don't accidentally hurt you."

From:

righthemisphere

Yeah. Sure. So you don't hurt him.

He gives a noncommittal noise and gestures with his free arm to his shoulder and down his right side to his leg. In pitfall he'd taken most of the damage and truth be told he was still gripped with pain on his left from Knifehead.

He's a wreck, Mako. It would be easier to make a list of what doesn't hurt.

"Did it get your back, too?" They'd gotten fucked from behind by Slattern's tail in those final moments of the fight. It still plays out in his mind six months later. Play by play. Every shot, every strike, every blast. Every last goodbye not meant for him.

From:

dorothied

Of course, it would be bullshit. Because when he gestures at the side that hurts, she reaches out to gently touch his shoulder, letting her fingertips graze down to his right hip. Her gaze sharp in the dark, watching every sign and inch of skin.

"Yes," she murmurs, "But without the repeated exposure, mine healed. Just scars now." Faint lines at this point - he wouldn't have seen them in the shower last night, unless he'd been committed to mapping out her back.

She lets out a nondescript sound - not pity, but affected - and leans in to brush her lips above the busted shoulder, out of the way of the circuit damage. Closer to his neck, really.

From:

righthemisphere

Yeah. Totally innocent. Why was Mako torturing him.

Well, okay maybe he knew why but it was still mean and pulled a soft noise from his chest.

Raleigh closed his eyes, unaccustomed to being touched with such intention. It made him immediately weak and pliant and wanting, hand rising to Mako's hip to smooth over the soft curve there. He's trying desperately not to read into it too much and make it awkward. Mako has been in his head, she knows he's a tactile person. She could simply be trying to communicate with him on his level.

Yeah.. That was.. probably.. definitely it.

"Mako.." He can't help himself. It's half begging for more half warning her not to start something she doesn't mean to.

From:

dorothied

In part, yes, in a way, he's not wrong. She does want to speak his language. But she also wants to meet him in the middle. Much like this morning, they both hesitate; unlike this morning, no ringtone rescues them from having to talk about this part.

So she decides to be stubborn about it. Just because she can't build a sword into this problem, doesn't mean she can't fix it. She draws back and rests her head on the pillow, close to his face.

"What, Raleigh?" she asks, "Do you want something?"

From:

righthemisphere

Because that wasn't a blade of a question, Mako.

"I um.." Don't do it, Raleigh. She is the best thing that's ever happened to you don't fuck this up.

He swallows hard.

"No.." f o r c i n g himself. "This is just fine."

From:

dorothied

"Oh." That exhale says a lot, the little disappointment.

Maybe she read him wrong. Or maybe he doesn't think she's the kind of person who would...

Which is unnerving. She dealt with a lot of idolising on the tour, a lot of press coverage exhalting her pure innocence and practically asexual existence. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but Mako does have desires. She does have needs and wants, and her whole body sings with need for this idiot.

Just because she stayed focused and driven for years through the training, the academy, everything, doesn't mean she's a machine.

So her feathers get ruffled.

"That's a shame," she mutters. "Because I do."

From:

righthemisphere

A beat. He swallows. His heart begins to pound.

Idiot, Raleigh. Fucking idiot. Even now he can't make the first move. Even now he tries to figure it out slowly and carefully and left to his own devices he'd miss out. If Yancy were alive he probably would have seduced Mako already just to teach him a lesson, date poaching jackass.

"Really?" shifting a little to move himself down so they share the same eyeline. There's just enough light to catch her face. His eyes are wide, he's hesitantly hopeful.